I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
