you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
