omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
