Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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