you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
