I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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