Is it because I queefed?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
