Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
