words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
