I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
