the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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