dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
