I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
