Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
