ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
