Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
