Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
