I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
