I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
