why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
