woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
