I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
