the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
