So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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