Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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