so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
