Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you still have your period?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
