I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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