Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
