True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
