i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
someone owes me an orgasm
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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