Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
