There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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