Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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