the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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