sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
