Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
