i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
