so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
