As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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