you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
