Ambien. No doubt about it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
