Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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