I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
