You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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