I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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