It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
