Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
