My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
