Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
