Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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