Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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