I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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