i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
