I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Im part way to drunk.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
