He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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