also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
