Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
