I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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