bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
