apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
