God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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