my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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