kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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