I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize