we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
