i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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