she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
why is half of my head shaved?
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