i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
