There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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