how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
