sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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