I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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