i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
