Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She announced her abortion via fbk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
