I wish I only lived at night.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
